Feb 18, 2014, 04:47 am
I have to admit, I'm kind of thankful the Church of Scientology exists. I mean, between their inability to photoshop their own rallies and their dedication to using IP laws to simultaneously silence criticism while Streisanding themselves into internet oblivion, the jokes practically write themselves. I personally know this, because whenever I see that a close friend or family member is having a bad day, I simply tap them on the shoulder, say "Church of Scientology", and then we both laugh and move on with a much better, funnier day. For me, it's the futility of it all that is so hilarious, and I'll be Xenu'd if they just can't keep making the same mistakes.
Take the story Rich Kulawiec writes us about, for instance. It apparently starts with a hapless Amazon seller called Hannah's Attic And Place accidentally offering his wares for pennies on the dollar due to an errant youngster. When some customers placed orders, they were subsequently informed that the pricing had been a mistake. This grated upon one buyer, who complained in the reviews section. And then the complainer found out that the seller was a hardy little David-Miscaviage-in-training, with all the awesome threatening behavior one would expect from such a person.
![[Image: v0GFq2g.jpg]](http://i.imgur.com/v0GFq2g.jpg)
My favorite part about this letter is how it goes from zero to crazy in less than a hundred words. "First, let me apologize. Then let me tell you all about the horrific things I'm going to do to you for having an opinion!" Delightful. Here's what's most fun about this: despite nobody knowing for sure that this seller is a Scientology whackjob, despite nobody having any actual confirmation that a simple online review has resulted in attention from the infamous SeaOrg buckets of crazy, that organization has made themselves such a wonderful caricature that it all just might be possible. After all, we can be damned sure that Scientology has unleashed horrific evils on all of us before.
![[Image: GFN0AD5.jpg]](http://i.imgur.com/GFN0AD5.jpg)
You bastards...
Now, while the seller has since gone to some lengths to delete everything they could from Amazon, one would think that both Amazon and law enforcement would be quite interested in folks threatening buyers. After all, the Church of Scientology might have many celebrities, and regular folks, constantly filling their coffers in exchange for having someone twist their thetans or whatever, but they've tangled with the U.S. government before and got a nice black eye over it. And to really incur retribution in America, making waves for a billion dollar corporation like Amazon ain't gonna win you any favors, either.
In the meantime, Hannah's Attic And Place (we must not forget about the place!) and their threats have gone viral, Streisanding around the interwebz to make sure everyone knows what jerks they are. That's so much more effective than the simple negative review they were trying to get taken down in the first place. Oh, Scientology, never stop being crazy.
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Take the story Rich Kulawiec writes us about, for instance. It apparently starts with a hapless Amazon seller called Hannah's Attic And Place accidentally offering his wares for pennies on the dollar due to an errant youngster. When some customers placed orders, they were subsequently informed that the pricing had been a mistake. This grated upon one buyer, who complained in the reviews section. And then the complainer found out that the seller was a hardy little David-Miscaviage-in-training, with all the awesome threatening behavior one would expect from such a person.
My favorite part about this letter is how it goes from zero to crazy in less than a hundred words. "First, let me apologize. Then let me tell you all about the horrific things I'm going to do to you for having an opinion!" Delightful. Here's what's most fun about this: despite nobody knowing for sure that this seller is a Scientology whackjob, despite nobody having any actual confirmation that a simple online review has resulted in attention from the infamous SeaOrg buckets of crazy, that organization has made themselves such a wonderful caricature that it all just might be possible. After all, we can be damned sure that Scientology has unleashed horrific evils on all of us before.
You bastards...
Now, while the seller has since gone to some lengths to delete everything they could from Amazon, one would think that both Amazon and law enforcement would be quite interested in folks threatening buyers. After all, the Church of Scientology might have many celebrities, and regular folks, constantly filling their coffers in exchange for having someone twist their thetans or whatever, but they've tangled with the U.S. government before and got a nice black eye over it. And to really incur retribution in America, making waves for a billion dollar corporation like Amazon ain't gonna win you any favors, either.
In the meantime, Hannah's Attic And Place (we must not forget about the place!) and their threats have gone viral, Streisanding around the interwebz to make sure everyone knows what jerks they are. That's so much more effective than the simple negative review they were trying to get taken down in the first place. Oh, Scientology, never stop being crazy.
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![[Image: tongue3.gif]](http://www3.telus.net/Aaron_Walkhouse/tongue3.gif)
![[Image: tantrum.gif]](http://www3.telus.net/Aaron_Walkhouse/tantrum.gif)